Have you ever looked at an addict and wondered what the hell they are thinking? How could they let ANY substance control their entire existence? Who would choose ANYTHING over their kids? Their family? Their freedom? Well, I am here to answer these questions because I have been on both sides of the fence.
Being an addict isn’t on anyone’s bucket list. Someone who has never been addicted to anything (or hasn’t admitted it) cannot tell you how an addict thinks or why they do the things they do. The thoughts of an addict are centered around the source of the addiction. Before the addiction starts (or takes over), a mother bases her life on her family and children. Before making any decision, she considers how this could affect her family and chooses the answer that is the best for the family unit as a whole. Once the addiction comes into the picture, the addiction takes the place of the family as the center of her existence. She did not consciously make this decision, the intensity of her need for this source (I call it a source instead of substance because the addiction could be something other than drugs/alcohol) makes her feel as if she cannot continue on in a “normal” capacity without it.
At this point, the addict looks at their life situation and tries to justify (to themself) how their family is benefitting from the source (the addict using it). For example, a mother that is an opioid addict tells herself if she doesn’t have her medicine, she cannot care for her family because she won’t feel like it. So the vicious cycle begins and gets worse and worse until she needs this medication to physically get out of bed every day.
Once the dependence/addiction has reached this degree, there is really nothing anyone can do- except the addict. You can force them to go to rehab, but if they don’t want to stop, they won't. Sure, they may abstain from feeding their addiction while completing the rehab program. If they don’t really want to quit, when they get out, they will continue to rendezvous with the source of their addiction.
To get an addict to the point where they want to free themself of this horrible burden, they have to be tired. They have to be tired of chasing the source and tired of doing anything to be able to access the source. The loved ones of the addict must not enable them to access the source in any way: monetarily, by giving them transportation, a place to stay, or any support whatsoever. This is the hardest part for the loved ones because they feel the intensity, they feel like the person won’t make it without the money to eat, without them providing them with somewhere to live. The family/loved ones also feel like this is a burden that shouldn’t be placed on them and they are right, the addict is selfish but this selfishness is out of their control. Please know that THEY WILL DIE if you continue to enable them. Sure, they may end up in jail, and in the first few days, they may even give you a guilt trip, but once they are sober from whatever the source may be I ASSURE you, there will be a completely new person, the person you remember them as before the addiction took over their life.
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